On Creating A Life That Feels Spacious

Do you know how you want to feel? Like on the daily? In every moment and every facet of your life? Energized? Connected? Abundant? Last year I used Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map to uncover my “core desired feelings” as a new way to set soulful goals (using how I want to feel in all aspects of my life as a compass). This year, one word just popped into my head on January 1st: SPACIOUSNESS. Meaning so many things, but on a very fundamental level spaciousness feels like space and looks like a blank canvas for crafting a life I love.

 

I think my desire for spaciousness was born from the push-pull I experienced in 2017. In my career I had some of my highest highs: from presenting at the IDEA Personal Trainer Institute West Conference among some of the best in the fitness industry to being the keynote speaker for the Washington Midwives’ Association Annual Conference. I had my first 5-figure online product launch and I co-founded a women’s wellness company (NourishYou) with my bestie Hilary Paris, co-leading 3 beyond-words amazing retreats. I got to work with hundreds of incredible people – through my fitness classes and my health + nutrition coaching. 

 

But I also went through some of my darkest moments – personally, relationally, as a mother and in my work. 2017 and I danced between expansion and contraction, growth and setbacks (on all levels – emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically). And while that’s life’s beautiful journey in a nutshell, this vastness between living a life that was fulFILLing versus just full or “pretty good most of the time” made me super clear one thing: where I choose to put my time, my energy, my thoughts and my efforts was the determining factor in whether or not I was manifesting a life that LIT. ME. UP.

 

And so for me, choosing S P A C I O U S N E S S this year and beyond involves truly listening to what my body needs and soul craves (versus dictating) and accordingly being open to how that evolves and changes over time (because there IS a season for everything, *nothing* is forever). It means having the ability in my life to say yes to anything that lights me up, energizes + inspires me and also the latitude to say “hell no” to that which doesn’t. It looks like picking and choosing who and what I fill my life, body and soul up with on a daily and moment-to-moment basis. This year in particular, it’s especially important to me as I intentionally make room for a possible addition to our little Mack family (no, I’m not pregnant! – but spoiler: I will be sharing my journey towards that possibility and also what that looked like with Will – prenatal and postpartum).

 

It also involves the ability to examine and let go of that which no longer serves me, immediately or with time. It’s done by creating space through (let’s be real – almost) daily meditation (whether 3 minutes or 20 – an amount is fantastic) but also movement (like yoga & mobility). Not sure meditation is your thing? All it is in stillness. A break from the hustle. The opportunity to tune in and listen to all the small & big ways my body + soul are talking to me on the daily and using that as a baseline to guide my next right action. 

 

This all might sound lofty (impossible even?). You see though sweet friend, what I’m learning is that the second I got clear on how I wanted to feel and accordingly created the space to feel and listen, the *easier* it became to navigate my life down the path of my desires and manifest my best life. A huge piece of why is because I wasn’t waiting to feel how I wanted – which so many of us do, right? We’re waiting to get “there”, for our life to be better tomorrow or someone to make us feel the way we desire. We’re waiting to lose the weight, to get “our bodies back”, to be seen or waiting for the time when life “slows down” – thinking that once any/all those things happen, we’ll feel ___________ (how we want to feel – and obviously the goal is to feel good).

 

Truth: everything will take as much time as you give it. Work. Your dreams/desires. Your relationships. Your body. So we must, we must take the time, create the space. No one can or will do it for you and real talk: life keeps happening while you’re waiting – often moving you in the opposite direction of your desires. Creating space, taking time for radical self-care and to LISTEN to your body + soul is not impossible. But it is the opposite of the way most of us live (and are wrongfully told is the pathway to happiness) – filling up our lives with things that don’t bring us joy, excitement or vibrance, continuing to push and say yes to more. Our lives our full, but we’re not fulfilled.

 

We’re also so judgy – of ourselves and others. Waiting for things to be perfect instead of engaging with the natural cyclicality of life and knowing that the way INTO a life we love is through adopting a learner’s mindset in all we do. When I am open to learning from every action (versus judging and shaming), when I bring conscious awareness into my thoughts and feelings (versus continuing to push and just get through, waiting to feel the way I want to feel or for someone to give me permission), I ALLOW light, love, vibrance and… spaciousness to flow into my life. It all begins with knowing how you want to feel and knowing that you CAN feel that way and create more of that feeling right now.

 

It also always takes experiencing the opposite of how we want to feel (many times over) – often coming to the place where we have no other option but to adopt a more embodied way of living – that we are able to see more clearly that which we need and deeply desire on all levels. And what 2017 taught me, thank GOD, is that it all starts small – with space. Space to create SPACIOUSNESS. Spaciousness as a feeling that opens up the possibility for you to truly live your best life and a life. you. love. – one that’s of course ever-changing but always lighting you up. 

 

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Photos by Heather Brincko and Kate L Porter.