This “Great Pause” Might Not FEEL That Way

This current season of life we’re in, sheltering-in-place in our homes, is being called “The Great Pause”. While many of us are certainly experiencing a life-as-we-knew-it pause, for many – depending on your financial circumstances, your socioeconomic status, and whether or not you have people at home you’re supporting (like kids or older parents) – to name a few things, IT MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE A PAUSE – as in, “you have more time & less ‘to do’”. I have so many mom clients with kids at home saying that this time is / actually feels BUSIER because there’s so much more to manage and do with every member of our family now under one roof. 

Whether you are a family of one, seven or anything between, though, one thing is universal – basically EVERYthing you &/or everyone else used to do alone or together (work, school, play, socialize, exercise, etc.) is now consolidated into one space all the time. It’s A LOT; and I know in many ways, for so many reasons, we are all struggling and/or feeling deeply. 

So in that, I want to know, really & truly – how are you doing? If you feel called, I ask that you please respond to this email & let me know that + in what ways my work could support you more. I’m here to support you and I want to. For me, the answer to “how are you doing” changes by the day – or even by the minute :). So if you’re there too – or wherever you are – I want you to know that I see you and everything you feel is real & worthy of tending. 

And I want to touch on that just for a second – the concept of tending. It’s highly likely that a lot has been coming up for you during this life-as-we-knew-it “pause”. Our pre-COVID lives have come to a halt. And things (like feelings, trauma, negative beliefs or patterns, financial strains, relational struggles, etc.) that we may have been able to avoid or push away with our “busy-ness” are bubbling to the surface. I believe we are being given a sacred opportunity to look at our shadows and repair or heal what we haven’t dealt with. You may or may not be ready. And both are okay. I believe that we hold on certain ways of life until we are fully ready to create another.

 

Personally, here are just a few of the things I’ve been witnessing that need “tending”. In other words, this is what’s been “coming up” for myself, my clients, friends + family during the last month, along with ideas for connecting deeper (and I’d love to hear yours too!):

 

* Our boundaries are being tested, pushed and are also more important than ever. We feel anger, resentment and triggered when our boundaries – both spoken & unspoken (but held) have been violated. Expressing old &/or setting new boundaries is really important to tend to our heart, body & mind.

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* The agreements – again, spoken & unspoken – we have with our partner & ourselves need to be re-worked or examined. Like agreements of who does what in the household, how time is split between working & being with the kids, how you’re delegating your time + energy, and how you’re being supported or supporting – to name a few. It’s likely you stepped into “fix it mode” initially and took on way more than before (and you were already at your max). So I’m curious: how can you step away from this pattern of doing it all and share the load or re-work how your energy is spent? What would feel GOOD and fair?

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* The (likely negative) belief you personally hold around “worth” and “doing” is being activated. As women, we are culturally raised to believe that our worth comes from how we look and what we do. We feel guilt & shame for not “doing enough” or not living up to the impossible “superwoman standard” that’s been exacerbated right now as all the pieces of our lives that were once separate have collided under one roof.

Take a deep breath and hear me now: My love, your worth comes from WHO YOU ARE, not what you do. Examining the belief you have around this will be HARD. A lot will come up. During these uncertain times where you feel less like yourself, you may try to keep doing more to feel worthy and productive (because we also believe productivity = our value).

I see you and I offer my witnessing to validate your feelings and struggles. You are not alone; and YOUR WORTH is INHERENT, not EARNED. Period. What if you moved from that knowing instead? What if this time were to be a great opportunity to connect deeper to yourself and examine the beliefs that make you try to earn your inherent worth; and accordingly always leave you feeling “less than” or bone-tired. It’s time, my love. You are supported. You are not what you do.

And one special note for my mommas: you are doing ENOUGH. I’m seeing a lot of language around how this time is magical and such a rare opportunity to be with our kids more. And while I do feel this (at times ha ha), I think it’s using the word MORE, that’s the problem. We hear “more” and think that we need to be spending tons more time with our kids. But I don’t believe that’s where the “magic” is. I think it’s in small moments of “more” little opportunities. The getting to be together, un-rushed to “get somewhere” before (at home) school or work begin. The availability to sit and have a moment for lunch together in the middle of the day, or the extra hugs or small conversations we’re getting // having that we normally wouldn’t. PLEASE ditch the guilt for having to work (to provide), for not spending every waking moment with your kids or for not wanting to. Look to the little moments and let go of the “grandiose ones”. And know it’s ENOUGH.

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* The quiet of slowing down or even the concept of having nothing to do is triggering and anxiety-provoking. WHY? In part because of the worth belief above, but also because it’s IN the quiet that the stuff you’ve been avoiding comes up to reveal itself. Creating the space to examine these difficult truths or shadows is HARD. But running from it or coping in ways that actually deplete us and perpetuate the feeling is EXHAUSTING. What would happen if you got curious and explored, “What’s the gold (aka wisdom) that I can dig up out of all this dirt (aka the hard sh*t & feelings coming up)? What is it here to teach me?” Some days I still run, but more and more, I’m trying to sit and get curious. It’s really challenging. But me & you? We can do hard things. 

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* Your body may need different movement medicine at this time. How you were moving your body before might not work right now. Your physical energy is likely being depleted and used up by other systems of the body due to all the juggling you’re doing and the emotions you’re feeling. You may also experience exacerbated pelvic floor symptoms (like prolapse, incontinence, tension, pain, even a general increased heaviness) or shifts in your period – like spotting, or an irregular or heavier cycle. 

Tami Lynn Kent – women’s health physical therapist, pelvic bowl expert and author of 3 amazing books on the divine feminine + creativity – attributes these physical responses to the root chakra, which is located in our pelvis and associated with things like your security + safety, survival and basic needs (think food, water, shelter, sleep & self-preservation). Seeing as those have been seriously “uprooted” for many of us with current events, an increase or change in physical symptoms within your pelvic region totally makes sense, right? For every physical symptom we experience in this life, there is a traceable energetic root; and so these are all ways that your body is processing what you’re energetically feeling and experiencing. It’s normal and I encourage you to tune in. 

Instead of pushing yourself to move how you “always do” or for feeling shame for not being able to muster the motivation or sustain your performance, ask yourself / your body: “What do I need right now?”

• To flow and feel free? Perhaps yoga, barre or dance is the medicine you need.
• To take deep breaths and feel open or ease? Maybe a walk is just the thing.
• To feel the energy and aliveness of your heart pounding? A moderate-weight, strength training workout with quick transitions may be just what the body ordered.
• You don’t need to do any HIIT workouts or go on any long runs. But then again, this may also be valid medicine. There’s no right or wrong, your body and situation are unique. I just ask that you check-in and FEEL first, then move. 
• And remember, as a woman, to feel our best, it’s important to pay attention to the ever-changing energy of our menstrual cycle (or the moon cycle if you’re not cycling for whatever reason) and adjust our workouts accordingly ALL the time – not just in quarantine. This helps preserve + boost energy and mental focus, keeps your body’s metabolism humming and allows you to align with your body’s needs + strengths. If you’re interested in learning more about this, be sure to check out THIS BLOG POST.

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* All the hats we wear and things we do daily are becoming one jumbled mess. So taking Intentional Transitions is key to decreasing mental load, while increasing focus and creating a deeper connection to self. It’s a way to feel grounded and help you create more space and separation between all the roles you’re juggling. Before shelter-in-place, you may not have realized all the built-in transitions you relied on for “space”, so let’s explore an example – let’s say you used to get up & leave to workout, then come home, get yourself & kids ready and out the door. Then you drove to work, worked, and came home. After the kids went to bed, you cleaned up, you had some down time, then went to bed. There are 5 different transitions here: home to workout // workout to home // home to school, then work // work to home // nightly duties to bed. All of these transitions integrated into your routine helped you have space for yourself before you stepped into your “separate roles”. Now, with everything at home, these transitions have likely dissipated; and as a result, you’re also feeling scattered and uprooted. So how can you re-create different intentional transitions at home? Here are some ideas to get you started: 

• A walk before you begin work (a new, more calming commute!). 
• Spritzing your face with some rose water, lighting a candle and taking 60 seconds for a round of 4-7-8 breathing to energize, shift & focus your headspace when you’re transitioning to/from work and motherhood or other household roles.
• Working for 50 minutes, then taking a 10 min break for water and some squats with alternating standing side bends. OR, take a quick midday break and do this 10 minute {FREE follow along} Mobility Flow I created for you!
• Think of how you WANT to FEEL. Then write down a list of anything you can think of that makes you feel that way. Do a few of the small ones as transitions, and maybe schedule one of the bigger ones as a treat to look forward to at some point during the week.
• Putting a dab of your favorite essential oil on one hand (I love doTerra Wild Orange or Balance Blend, but any will do!), then rubbing your hands together and bringing them to your nose & mouth for a few invigorating deep breaths.

It doesn’t need to be grandiose. In fact, please don’t make it so. 🙂 Allow it to be small. Even so small that it may seem insignificant. These transitions will soon become treasured rituals you  may even want to take out of this “season”!

 

This is in no way an exhaustive list of what’s “coming up” for you // me // us // our world. 

I would love to hear what you’re personally struggling with and hope that this could spark some curiosity and insight. Remember, these are all just my opinions and observations. Everything you need is already inside you, sometimes we just need a little reminding and support to “go there” and trust.

And I know that it’s likely you were expecting my next newsletter to be all about my labor and birth with Will. Don’t worry – that’s coming tomorrow, I promise! 

I’ve been feeling the need to reach out to my community and offer both perspective and support outside of my “story of becoming” into who and where I am now. So thank you for sharing this space with me, I am truly honored to be here with you – during this time and always.

 

If this post resonated with you, please share! I’ll be forever grateful as a small business owner.

 

Make sure you don’t miss a beat of this evolving conversation or my work by subscribing to my mailing list (and follow my Instagram & Facebook) so that you never miss a blog post, recipe, healthy lifestyle tip or workout – all created with your unique female body in mind. And if you’re interested in learning more about aligning your life with your feminine cycle NOW or desire to become a client of mine, please don’t hesitate to reach out: whitney@macksmo.com.

Photos by the wonderful Kate Porter.